George Washington was sailing the Delaware. He ran into the Boston Tea Party on his way to chop down a cherry tree so Abe Lincoln could build his log cabin on Mount Everest.
Benjamin Franklin lit two lights in the tower because the FRENCH WERE COMING bringing Lady Liberty.
This, of course, started the French Revolution which led to abolishing the slave trade.
Which led to William Shakespeare building the Globe Theatre where he performed "The Importance of Being Ernest."
Julius Caesar was so touched by the performance he built Big Ben in Shakespeare's honor.
Shortly after, William Wilberforce felt the need to write the Declaration of Independence with Paul Bunyan and Huck Finn.
This was to protect the rights of Betsy Ross who was charged with ringing the bell so hard it cracked (how was she to know, she didn't even have the right to vote).
And that's how the West was won
Lewis, Clark, and Sherlock Holmes set out to discover a cure for Malaria.
On their sojourning, they ran into Stonewall Jackson and Richard Simmons who were hiding out in a cave discovering the light bulb using caveman drawings.
Thomas Edison who discovered the printing press sewed together the flag that represented the thirteen colonies in Canada. He also witnessed the sinking of the Titanic as it attempted to float in the South Pacific and that's when Hawaii was discovered!
Thomas Jefferson came to rescue Lewis, Clark, and Holmes from their disastrous trip on the Mayflower where they all got Chicken Pox.
Pocahontas and Sack of Jo Wea (yeah whatever) were the first people to land on the moon and discover cheese.
Thanks to the discovery of cheese, the cure for Malaria was found.
Martin Luther nailed his 95 thesis to the door of the White House right before his "I Have a Dream" speech where the Teddy Bear was named after President Kennedy.
And that's how Puerto Rico was founded.
I thought this was about America
Shhh . . .
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